January 6, 2003 Keeping Resolutions Alive

The beginning of a new year is always a special time. It is that unique moment for many of us, when we can reset some of our goals and ambitions, and start fresh. We call this tradition making New Year's resolutions. These new beginnings are good for us, as they provide renewed hope and rekindled energy to confidently move forward toward things we want to achieve.

Resolutions touch a lot of areas in peoples' lives. Sometimes they are health related, such as starting a new diet and losing a few pounds, beginning a rigorous new fitness program to get in shape, or to quit smoking. Other times they are relationship-oriented. "Beginning January first, I am going to become a better listener, or spend more time with my family." They are often work related and many times just personal desires - such as learning to play the guitar, or visiting a foreign country. People everywhere engage in the resolution ritual, and immediately begin their self-improvement journey with great conviction.

But along the way something happens. Whether after only a few days or perhaps as long as a couple of months, the hope and promise begin to fade. Instead of reaching for that something better, they find themselves back on the same old habit path, from which they were trying to break away. They are no longer very motivated to hit the gym after work, are not listening any better, and have a variety of reasons why those big deals at work we have failed to land, are not that big after all. As the fire goes out, they sadly rediscover the true difference between making resolutions and keeping them. Making resolutions is uplifting and inspiring. Keeping them is hard and tiresome work.

There are a number of explanations why the luster of great intentions fades so quickly. However, the most likely reason is the change you are trying to make is just not as essential to you as the stuff holding you back. Let me explain.

Many of you are familiar with Stephen Covey's work around putting First Things First. He offers the wonderful advice of staying focused on the things that are truly important (his quadrant II) and not giving in to the time consuming demands of things that might appear to be, but are really not that important to your goals and mission (quadrant III). Although this sounds so simple and logical, it can be quite a struggle.

Yet there is still a tougher struggle and that is figuring out how to follow through on a new resolution when you are trying to deal with a number of other competing priorities, all of which are truly important (they are all quadrant II). Therefore, your great intention of spending more time with your family loses steam, because the economy has nose-dived, and you have to work longer and harder just to keep up. Or perhaps for the first time you are being forced to deal with some gut-wrenching issues involving ailing parents or escalating disagreements with your teenager. You are so pre-occupied with these unaccustomed worries and anxieties, that frankly, you are not making any progress at all in becoming a better listener. Sound familiar?

If you are like most people, you have no doubt caved in on some kind of resolution, because following through was just too inconvenient or more likely, you lacked real commitment to begin with. But the situations referenced above are not like that. Your follow through is impaired, because you are making the decision to devote time and effort to something else more important to you. Your resolution comes in second.

Since having to constantly deal with new or unexpected situations is part of life, you will always have competing priorities. Given that, you might find it helpful to think through the tips below on the aspirations you have made for the coming new year. They will help you get started in a way that is more likely to produce success for you.

So, as you ponder resolutions for this year, think about:

• How truly important is accomplishing this resolution to you? Are you aware of where it stands relative to other important items in your life. Will it still be worth pursuing if times get tough?
   
• Are you truly committed, or just kind of committed, to the change you want to make? Are you sure? Remember, progress always starts with commitment.
   
• What is it going to take for you to be successful? The allure of an early morning jog on the beach during a vacation is much different than the daily grind of hoofing it through your own neighborhood, when it is cold, damp and dark outside. You must be realistic about what you will have to endure.
   
• What help will you need from others? This may be requesting that certain people not tempt you with things contrary to your resolution, or pleading with them to be frequently right beside you. There is both comfort and strength in having partners, whether in taking language lessons or trying to figure out how to stimulate new business at work. You will also benefit from people who will coach you, applaud you, comfort you, and get on you when necessary.
   
• What are important milestones to you and how you will celebrate them? Small victories are vital to any change, and you are entitled to reward your accomplishments. Do not forget to layout progress targets - and to recognize them.
   

Best wishes for the new year and may you be successful on all the important things that you seek to achieve.