You are probably hearing a great deal about the importance of empathy for leaders these days. And for good reasons. Let’s just say that workers at all levels have a lot of “stuff” going on in their lives right now… at work and at home. Along with the endless job challenges, there are a fatiguing number of demands and dramas occurring in peoples’ personal lives. And with the constant reminders of all that is wrong in the world and continuing uncertainty about the future, well life is plain tough at this moment. Everyone can benefit from a little more empathy and grace.
In spite of its importance, I come across many who face a perplexing dilemma with empathy. They ask, “how do I show empathy and still hold people accountable? I am afraid I will come across as an insensitive jerk, if I hold them to deadlines, when they are dealing with some real messes in their lives that unfortunately impact their work.”
So. what do you think … Is it possible to be both empathetic to others, while still expecting accountability?
Inevitable predicaments like these are why deep, solid, trusting relationships are at the core of leadership. When people know you genuinely care about them and are willing to be honest with them, it helps everyone find resolution, even when it is uncomfortable.
Couple of things to remember that might help. First, expecting delivery of results does not mean you are totally inflexible and insensitive to reality. Last minute, uncontrollable emergencies or life-altering events happen. At those times, we immediately step in for people … without judgment or blame, and usually with a prayer that they are OK. On the other hand, everyone has a truckload of stuff they are dealing with. And we all need to embrace the fact that our work has impact on others. If we fail to deliver on our obligations, we are making life even more difficult for those around us. Empathy is a two-way street.
So, empathy does not mean always rescuing people when their life gets derailed and their work suffers. It means being there to help them figure out ways to get through the hard times, and providing that caring support and encouragement they need along the way. It is also about reminding them that their promises and obligations have meaning, and that the work they are responsible for truly matters.
Personally, I find that most people want to deliver on their commitments, especially to those whom they care about. They feel pride in their accomplishments and trustworthy reputation. They don’t seek pity or an excuse to get out of doing their work. They don’t want to create an additional burden on others, who must pick up their slack. They willingly rise up – even when difficult – to avoid ever letting their team mates down. And like you, they are so grateful when they are reminded that they are not alone… that their team will wholeheartedly be there for them.
If you face the empathy/accountability quandary, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what kind of help, support, and grace you would need to get through the tough times while never letting your work colleagues down. That might be a good place to start.
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